yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
