my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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