my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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