hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ttyl tear gas
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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