another moral hangover. fuck.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
