I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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