Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
