I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
