God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
