Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
