I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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