and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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