i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
