Define "chronic" masturbator.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
