Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
