dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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