We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
