he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
