do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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