Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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