i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
