I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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