I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
