so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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