what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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