Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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