I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
