"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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