Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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