So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
