Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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