he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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