STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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