Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
