My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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