I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
