I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
