My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
