Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
