I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
