Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Say something about gay babies.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize