How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
