In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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