Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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