hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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