I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
