You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
