You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize