Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
