the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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