Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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