carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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