The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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