When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
