I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
