whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
