benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
