and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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