oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
